Buckle up, Canada — we’ve got a new main character. Mark Carney, the ex-central banker who once ran the Bank of England like a Monopoly board, just took a hard pivot and won the freakin’ federal election. Yup, that Mark Carney.
In a jaw-dropper of a political plot twist, Carney’s Liberal Party stormed back from the dead and snagged 168 seats — just four shy of a majority. He’s now set to become Prime Minister, and honestly? This is giving “Succession: Ottawa Edition.”
And the plot? Juicy. This whole election got turbocharged thanks to U.S. President Donald Trump — who apparently thought it was cool to threaten tariffs, economic bullying, and even straight-up annexation talk (seriously?). According to reports from The Guardian and FT, Canadians didn’t just shrug it off. They turned up. Hard.
Pierre Poilievre? Absolutely bodied. The Conservative leader lost his own seat to a guy named Bruce Fanjoy (yes, real name, no notes). Poilievre was riding high not too long ago, but turns out parroting Trump 2.0 in the Great White North doesn’t hit the same.
Even Jagmeet Singh took an L. The NDP leader lost his seat too — and wasted no time announcing his resignation. That orange wave? More like a gentle splash.
And the Bloc Québécois? Let’s just say they picked the wrong year to go full separatist. With the U.S. acting like a Marvel villain, unity became the hottest trend of the season.
Carney — who, let’s be real, probably has spreadsheets more exciting than most people’s Tinder convos — ran a clean, calm, grown-up campaign. Voters? They ate it up. This guy just bossed his way through an entire election in less than two months.
As first reported by The Guardian, the Liberals now have a fresh mandate and Canada’s about to get its most spreadsheet-slinging, world-finance-fluent PM ever. From the Bank of Canada to Bank of England to Prime Minister Swag — this is Carney’s era.
No word yet on the full cabinet, but expect a lot of “we’re not messing around” energy. And yeah, everyone’s watching how he handles the next Trump tantrum.
One thing’s clear: Canada just picked policy over personality… and gave Trump the coldest “no thanks” ever.
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